Our Impact
At the Freedom Project, we work with perpetrators as well as survivors, family members, and children. It’s all about trying to break the cycle. The unique dynamic of domestic abuse is that those involved often love each other. They might have children together. It can be very difficult to seek help and challenge someone’s behaviour if you share these deep bonds. But it can also provide an incentive to change.
Our ultimate aim is that they and their children can live free of the traumas of abuse, with improved self-esteem, and self-confidence. And our overarching objective is to break the repeat cycle of domestic abuse.
These case studies show that we’ve come a long way and that we can eradicate domestic abuse if we continue to work together to address it.
Survivor Case History
‘I ended a very difficult and emotionally abusive relationship and was ready to move on with my life, but my ex had other ideas. Soon after the relationship ended he took things to a new level, checking if I was at home and ringing friends and family to find out where I was. Then he began leaving abusive messages. Over the next 6 months I suffered a daily attack of abuse from him and he would wait for me at my daughter’s school, intimidating and threating me on my way home. I found myself falling into depression and was scared to leave the house and as a result became very isolated.
I hit crisis point and through Women’s Aid I went to the Freedom Project. Just having someone to talk to, listen and believe me was a huge relief. I began to feel supported and that made a difference. I realised that I wasn’t alone for the first time in a long time. I could talk openly about the abuse without being judged or having people cut the conversation short because they didn’t know what to say. These people gave me so much confidence.
I learned about abuse in many forms and the project gave me the knowledge I needed to set boundaries in my life on how I wanted to be treated by people. Bit by bit, I was helped to build myself back up. I finally started to live again, have friends round and even got a job. What I have learned from the project will stay with me forever and helps me even now as I face new obstacles in life. I dread to think what would have become of me and my children had this help not been available. I was so close to giving up’.
Find out what support we offer survivors >
Perpetrator Case History
T was referred to the Freedom Project via the Probation Service. He was a very muscular man in his early forties, and the youngest of 7 children (with 4 brothers and 2 sisters). His father was an abusive alcoholic and his mother was compliant. Abuse was an accepted part of family life and became T’s ‘map of the world’. His brothers introduced him to boxing by the time he was 4 and he was also encouraged to ‘stick up for himself’ and was ridiculed and punished by his siblings if he didn’t.
He then became the school bully. By the time he was 7, ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I can’t say no’, and ‘unless I do as others want no-one will want me’, were all held as his beliefs. As he grew into a young adult, he had learned that the only way to keep safe was to hit first and ask questions later, and, as in his early childhood, the flights he got into were very often encouraged by others. In other words, he felt respected for his violence.
He met and married a compliant woman and had 2 children. She divorced him after 7 years of marriage and constant abuse. He has had several relationships since, all with aggressive women who, like his siblings, taunted and ridiculed him if he didn’t stick up for them. He was a walking time bomb and because of his aggressive behaviour had lost his liberty several times.
He was very confused and defensive when he first entered the project, showing no understanding of what had happened to him. After several weeks, he learned to let his defences down and engage in the process. He gave himself permission to look at historical issues and his relationships.
Gradually, he learned how to take responsibility for his own behaviour without defence, and how to deconstruct some of his old rigid thinking patterns. He attended sessions on a regular basis for 11 months.
Since leaving the group, he has not been in trouble and hasn’t had violent reactions to ridicule and taunts. He isn’t currently in a relationship, but he does have a job and is building up a close relationship with and is fully supportive of his children, one of whom is attending college and hoping to go to university.
Find out what support we offer perpetrators >
Child Case History
‘A’ was referred to us as he had witnessed domestic violence. He saw his father hitting and shouting at his mother and this behaviour was often directed towards ‘A’ as well. Eventually, his parents separated after a particularly violent episode when the police became involved. Whilst ‘A’s parents were together, he displayed very disturbing behaviours at home and at school. At home, he would wet the bed and his mother said he constantly woke at night screaming with nightmares. He also started self-harming – banging his head against walls and picking at his skin. At school, he found relationships with his peers difficult and would often suffer bouts of extreme anger.
‘A’s mother was concerned – he would not talk to her about how he felt, therefore he only expressed himself through anger. His mother accessed help from us as ‘A’s behaviour did not improve even though he was no longer living with his father. He was having contact with his father on a weekly access plan but access did not go well. Before each contact ‘A’ would become agitated and disruptive.
He came into our service and was given space and time to explore how he felt. He had very mixed feelings about his father and he expressed a firm wish not to have contact with him on one hand, but also spoke of missing him when he did not see him. ‘A’ would use play and art to express how he felt and explore his fears. He drew pictures of his dad hitting him with a belt and one of him ‘stealing Mummy’s car’ amongst many others.
‘A’ told us that, ‘You are the lady I can talk to if I am worried about anything’. He fully understood the concept of being able to express his feelings. Mum and the school have now reported a marked change in ‘A’s behaviour. The nightmares are greatly reduced and he no longer suffers from the angry outbursts that affect his relationships with his peers.
‘A’ still has our support as contact with his father can still be ‘scary’. The important thing for him is that he has someone to talk through his fear with. Children like ‘A’ often do not want to speak to their parent(s) about how they feel. ‘A’ has spoken about not wanting to upset his mum – he feels very protective towards her. This is very indicative of children who have witnessed domestic violence.
